my crazy mind

i have one strange mind
i have supported my mind, the most difficult is that it lives inside of me, since many years ago i have been with this pain that it is almost insupportable, my soul sometimes stay like a prison, and it is my TOC, i don't desire to my enemy , it is strange life like if you be two people, and you believe in this two people the same proportion, my life is one crazy life, i just stay here thinking how would be my life without this sick, i think it would be so happy, i would live like the most of people, but i am here with this pain in my soul, just supporting what no one can see, it is difficult because just my person can see what i have lived during many times, if i tell this problem to some people they surely will not to understand what i am saying, it hard to live with it, i imprisoned myself, the world is so free and brigth outside and i am here in this world ice and dark. maybe if i did not have this sick i would love/embrace/look/kiss/smile the people better. if you are reading this message, look toward the horizon and see, don't look at the sorrow if you do it you can develop this bad feeling that i have felt many years, it is like chain that take your mind and tight it until you don't see what the life has of better for you
my dear, i have hope in God yet, if one i turn myself crazy, believe in me, until the crazy person will find Jesus.
one of  my desire is to live out of my mind, of course "the bad side"
God bless me, i think that i will not support this pain until the end of my life.